THE HEAVENS – Last night in the comfort of his home studio, the Lord Almighty, Creator of All Things, engaged in an act of destruction, sources confirm. They say He took the Flaming Sword of Uriel and, with a thundering cry, lobed off His right ear, which fell straight down to Earth. Sources, however, are not clear regarding the reason He cut off His ear: In an interview with Katie Couric, God Almighty said that “cutting off an ear is how an artist proves He is truly and artist. Everyone knows that.” Sources close to The Lord, however, say that He was simply tired of listening to ‘the prayers of whiny people’ and He has been looking for an excuse to cut His ear off for some time.
The current location of the Ear is unknown. Multiple supposed “Ears” have appeared on eBay, one with an asking price of $150,000. Gregory Schoenberg, Head Specialist in Contemporary Art at Christie’s, says they believe they have found the true Ear and are waiting for DNA confirmation. – CQ