Four New Orleans Monuments Arrested for War Crimes

New OrleansNEW ORLEANS, LA – Last week, New Orleans Special Police arrested four bronze and stone monuments for alleged war crimes committed during the Civil War. City officials say the monuments no longer represent the values of the City or of Louisiana. “These golems have been haunting our streets for too long,” said Police Sargent Daniel Cruppert, “and while we are certainly proud of many parts of our history, we recognize that allowing these racist, Confederate golems to wander the streets of the city in the guise of ‘noble’ history is downright creepy. Hobbly-hoo it is surrrrre creepy.” Lawyers representing the monuments are not optimistic about the statues’ future. “They will be lucky if they end up in an art prison, though it is possible they will be sent to labor in an abandoned city lot until they are weathered beyond recognition.” -CQ

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