Jesus Christ asked us not to show you this image of him as a baby, so here it is!

bcpnews-dipaolo-detail-20150825THE HEAVENS – Reporters confronted Jesus Christ as he was leaving a restaurant in the second tier of heaven last month with an image (left) of the Son of God as a youth. “Oh Jesus Christ please tell me you haven’t shown that to anyone yet”, Christ exclaimed. “Money? Do you want money? I can pay you in countless blessings if you burn that image now.”After complaining about his fat ankles and poorly developed abdominal muscles, an Angel of the Lord informed Christ that the image had been on display in churches and museums for the past 550 years, causing Christ to curse the Northwestern US with record snow storms. “Please, just don’t show anyone else”, Christ pleaded as he got into his Ford Chariot of Fire.

Christ has had a history of insecurity about his body and has sometimes shared his feelings with the media. In 2005, the demigod discussed his body image issues with Oprah Winfrey on her talk show in relationship to German Renaissance Art, specifically the Röttgen Pietà and the Isenheim Altarpiece.

The image of Christ, Virgin and Child with Saints  (ca. 1475-80) by Giovanni di Paolo, is on view on the third floor of the Walter’s Art Museum in Baltimore, MD. -CQ

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